Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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