I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
