Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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