Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
