So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
