Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
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