I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
