Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
