my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
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