true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
