Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
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