she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
