I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
