He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Randomize
