dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
