Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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