Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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