i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
