I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
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