went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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