Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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