he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
