They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
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