never play flip cup with pint glasses
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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