Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
