just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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