It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
