Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
