In the future we'll all be gay
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Randomize
