having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
