i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
