dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
