So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
