I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
this will be a night to untag.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
