I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
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