Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
