Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
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