I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
