I got chris browned last night
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
