You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
