He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
My breasts were aching with rage.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Dick very happy bro
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
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