Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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