I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
