Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Randomize
