Someone shit on the floor
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
