I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Randomize
