I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Randomize
