i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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