I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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