I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
