Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
