Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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