my vag is so smooth its legendary
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
You were trust falling into bushes