Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.