it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
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they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
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Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh