People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
