Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
