Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
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