If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
