So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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