Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
