If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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