I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
