shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
