Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
